Supporting Yourself Postpartum: A Gentle Love Letter for New Mothers

Postpartum, also affectionately known as “the fourth trimester,” is a sacred blur. The early days unfold in a fog of post-birth physical recovery and a rich, nearly impossible-to-describe love for the little one you just welcomed into this big world.

I am also keenly aware that for some mothers, birth did not go as planned—or perhaps you were not able to bring your baby home as you dreamed. I am so sorry for the pain you carry. My heart is beating with endless amounts of love and affection for you. You are still postpartum. You still need love.

Amidst all of the sleep deprivation, softness, hormonal shifts, and the rearranging of your identity, I want to gently remind you that looking after you matters.

Caring for yourself after birth cannot be considered indulgent; it is a necessity. Postpartum is much more than healing from delivery—it’s about becoming.

Here are a few tried-and-true ways to cultivate tender yet realistic rhythms of care for yourself. These are mere suggestions—you know yourself best. I hope they land in your season with the gentleness and love with which I write them.

Firstly, let rest be your priority.

Our culture praises productivity, “bouncing back,” and the notion of doing it all. Please don’t succumb to those unrealistic expectations. After birth, rest is a biological necessity. Your body, mind, and heart have gone through an immense feat, and now it’s time to repair, replenish, and recalibrate.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to curate a space that welcomes rest. Most of my time postpartum was spent in my bedroom. Because of that, my desire was to make it as cozy as possible. Whatever that space is for you, can I encourage you to make it as personally cozy as you can? I remember using one of my gift cards to buy new, soft, organic bed sheets. Could I have used that money on diapers, sleep suits, or wipes? Absolutely. However, the sacred space where I planned to spend so much time healing was also a huge priority for me. (Disclaimer: I still love the bedsheets today, and they have been one of the most-used essential purchases since birth. If you want the link, here you go… bedsheets, duvet cover.)

Have you heard of the 5-5-5 postpartum guideline? The saying goes like this: 

5 days in bed. 

5 days on the bed. 

5 days around the bed.

I know with multiple littles, this can be so hard to embody. We lived overseas during the birth and postpartum season of my firstborn, and I did not set up any consistent help. I was caught up in “bouncing back”; I became overactive and overtired. My body was depleted of nutrients and rest. Ultimately, it led to a severe case of mastitis and postpartum depression that lasted for months.

There is so much information on the internet these days—voices who will encourage you in one area and others who discourage the exact same reality. It’s hard to know who to trust.

Can I encourage you, mama? Trust your gut. If you are feeling overwhelmed by visitors and food deliveries, it’s okay to pause both. If you are feeling lonely and like you need a friend to come and sit with you while you sit, please call someone you love. Or perhaps you’re like I was—physically ill and in need of support. Call a loved one to hold your baby while you get some sleep. It’s okay to ask for help.

Secondly, nourish yourself.

For the first two weeks after bringing our baby home, we had coworkers and friends drop by with meals almost every day. It was amazing. After those two weeks, my husband went back to work, and I did not have any consistent help. I had groceries in the fridge, but no meals ready to eat—and no hands to prepare them. I had a baby who didn’t like to be put down, and anxiety around leaving her laying in her bassinet by herself. I had a rapid onset of mastitis and was battling 40-degree-Celsius Sydney summer heat. I needed help.

I had such a hard time asking for help. I remember calling my sister-in-law, who lived a few blocks away at the time, and—with my tail between my legs—asking her to please come over and help me prepare the groceries in my fridge and turn them from ingredients into meals.

She was in my kitchen for hours—and in between meal prep, she was holding my baby and allowing me to shower and care for my breasts, which were so tender with mastitis. She made me chia seed pudding bowls, chicken-and-rice baked dinners, and so much more. I was so thankful.

I’m going to write a whole blog post on postpartum meal prep (and eventually link it here). Truly, if you are able to meal prep, it is a game changer. In the meantime, here are a few simple suggestions:

• The postpartum body needs serious fuel. You’re likely healing, possibly breastfeeding, and definitely navigating big hormonal changes. Prioritize food that is warm, grounding, and easy to digest.

• Prep ahead: If you're still pregnant, batch-cook soups, stews, and casseroles now. Freeze them in single servings.

• Ask for help with meals: Have a loved one organize a meal train—or say yes when someone asks, “What do you need?”

• Snack intentionally: Keep nuts, dried fruit, granola bars, or protein bites near your favorite feeding spot. Hydrate constantly—water, coconut water, warm herbal teas.

Finally, make peace with slowness.

Time seems to not exist in the fourth trimester. You are awake in the dead of night when the rest of the world is quiet—and yet your whole world is alive right in your arms. Instead of scrolling (which I am entirely guilty of—so zero judgment here), try memorizing the little fingers grasping your shirt. Trace the toes resting on your torso.

Postpartum is a heavenly opportunity to redefine productive. Did you feed your baby today? You did it. Did you change many diapers today? YES! Did you rest? AMAZING. Found a holy pocket of time to take a shower? That is an accomplishment.

This change of pace can be difficult to digest at first, but allow me to encourage you to lean into how foreign it feels—until it becomes a part of you. Give yourself permission to slow down, be present, and not wish away this incredibly wonderful—and yet terrifically challenging—season. Your baby will grow. Your hormones will level out. Your body will heal… all in due time.

Sending you so much love, mama. Remember, we’re always here if you need a chat. Slow down. Breathe. Nourish. Ask for help. Rest. Feel everything. You are doing a beautiful job.

Coming soon: postpartum checklist to help you prepare!